


Any Way the Wind Blows

by the_genderman



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Slice of Life, They're very comfortable around each other, Yes it's smut but it's also an extended fart joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 17:39:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14141130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_genderman/pseuds/the_genderman
Summary: A short, humorous smut ficlet that doubles as an extended fart joke. Your mileage may vary, but I had fun writing it, so I hope y'all enjoy reading it.





	Any Way the Wind Blows

Bucky was washing up the last of the silverware when he heard the front door open and shut. The sound of Steve’s shoes coming inside, a pause, then the much softer sound of Steve’s socked footsteps coming up the hallway. He smiled, scrubbing the fork a little faster. Steve had been gone for a whole week on some classified Avengers mission and Bucky was glad he was home, presumably safe and in one piece. So what if they were still in that whole honeymoon phase? They hadn’t really had that opportunity before. And with Sam taking over as Captain America, Steve had been able to go part-time with the Avengers, which Bucky sincerely appreciated. He turned the tap on to rinse the fork and try get it into the drying rack before Steve reached him.

Steve entered the kitchen and immediately crossed the floor to pull up behind Bucky, wrapping his arms around his chest. Steve pressed his face into Bucky’s neck, peppering kisses down to his shirt collar.

“Well hello there,” Bucky said, turning his head a little to the side. “How’s my hair taste?” he joked.

“I’ve tasted worse,” Steve replied, slowly disengaging himself from Bucky to let him turn the sink off. “How have you been? I missed you.”

“Yeah, I can tell you did,” Bucky said, grinding briefly back against the growing bulge in Steve’s pants before turning around to give him a proper hug and a quick kiss. “I missed you too. And I’ve been pretty good. You know, the usuals. Classes, housework, Netflix, the internet. You look intact, as far as I can tell,” he said, adding a theatrical once-over. “How was your mission? Are you allowed to talk about it? Or do you want to skip all that for later? You seem a little preoccupied.”

“Later sounds very good. How about we move this out of the kitchen? Unless you’re really set on countertop sex,” Steve said, reaching around to give Bucky’s ass a quick squeeze.

“No, let’s keep that off food-prep surfaces, please,” Bucky replied. “And this hasn’t been a very good gut week for me, so I’m gonna have to take a couple big things off the table immediately.”

“Sorry to hear about your bad gut week,” Steve said. He lifted his hand, but his fingers lingered a little. “Do you need to take a rain check?” 

“Oh, I think between the two of us, we can find something that works,” Bucky said putting on his best bedroom voice.

“Well, if you’re up for it, then let us retire to the bedroom,” Steve said, sweeping his arm out and gesturing theatrically.

\----------------------

“So. Ideas,” Steve said, shutting the bedroom door behind them and pushing Bucky up against it, dipping his head to kiss his throat, hands creeping down his sides.

“Mmm, kind of hard to think like this,” Bucky said, attempting to unbutton his and Steve’s pants simultaneously.

“Oh, alright,” Steve said, reluctantly pulling away. He took over for Bucky, quickly slipping the button and unzipping his pants. He stepped out of them, tossing them haphazardly aside as he crossed to his nightstand. “What are your thoughts on potential cleanup tonight? Condom or no?”

“We haven’t even figured out what we’re doing yet, other than not anal,” Bucky said, stripping down and tossing his clothes into the same vague pile as Steve’s pants. “Come on now, shirt and socks off, too. It’s not cold enough that you have to leave your socks on, so don’t try to argue that.”

“But my feet get cold,” Steve argued automatically.

“Fine, I’ll get you some nice socks for your birthday, specifically for sexytimes,” Bucky relented. “But tonight, you are not wearing the same nasty socks you wore all day, I don’t care if you showered and changed most of your clothes before getting here, I bet you didn’t have fresh socks in your locker.”

Steve shifted guiltily. 

“Ok, how about this? Socks off and we can do intercrural, no condom. Just put down a towel and we’re good,” Bucky offered.

Steve short circuited a little. (He _might_ have a thing for Bucky’s thighs.) He immediately removed his socks, tossing them into the laundry hamper on his way to the bathroom to get a towel. He spread the towel out on the bed, dug the lube out of his nightstand, and sat down next to the towel.

“Shirt too,” Bucky said, making a little ‘come on’ motion with his finger. “All the blood left your brain already?”

“Oh. Shirt. Yeah. Something like that,” Steve said, setting the lube down to remove his shirt.

Bucky crossed to Steve’s side of the bed and stood wide-kneed in front of the towel. He scooped up the lube bottle and popped it open, squeezing it out into the palm of his right hand. He began to slick up his inner thighs, watching Steve’s face out of the corners of his eyes. Steve was gnawing on his lower lip and whining quietly, eyes wide and pupils blown. (Bucky loved seeing him like this.) Bucky squeezed his legs together, testing the slide with his hand before adjusting his stance, leaning over and dropping his hands to the bed.

“I’m all yours,” Bucky purred.

Steve was up in an instant, legs bracketing Bucky’s. His hands found their way to Bucky’s hips, thumbs massaging little circles as he prepared himself mentally.

“You spoil me,” Steve murmured.

“Does this mean I get a reach-around?” Bucky joked.

“Anything you want,” Steve sighed, pushing his dick between Bucky’s thighs. 

Steve’s hands slid up Bucky’s sides, pressing against him, reaching his chest and trailing slowly back down again. Bucky shivered a little, feeling the pleasurable prickle up his spine that he got whenever Steve touched him. It wasn’t always like this, but nowadays he could almost come just from Steve petting him. Anywhere and everywhere; Bucky didn’t have one favorite spot. (Ok, that was a lie. Bucky was getting a pretty good deal out of this, too.) One hand returned to his hip while the other slipped around to grasp his dick. 

Bucky moaned ostentatiously, swaying under Steve’s thrusts. Steve was far less vocal, but Bucky could hear from his breathing that he was getting close.

Steve began to pant.

Bucky moaned again.

Bucky’s gut added a grumble.

“Steve? I think I’m gonna—” Bucky said quickly.

“Gonna come for me?” Steve interrupted in his excitement.

“No, it’s my—” Bucky said with a little more urgency. His gut decided he was being too roundabout and let out a long, loud, and very foul fart.

“Oh,” Steve said, pausing. He suddenly grimaced, wrinkling his nose and letting go of Bucky to fan the air. “Oh. Oh, _Jesus_ , that’s, oh. Wow, what did you _eat_ today, week old gorgonzola egg salad? Fuh!”

“Dinner was a chicken stir fry, light oil, lunch was salmon and vegetable pilaf, and breakfast was an egg white omelet,” Bucky listed off, dropping to his elbows and widening his stance now that Steve had taken a couple steps back. “Nothing that usually upsets my digestion, but then again, I never can tell anymore what’s going to set it off. So, are you gonna come back over here?” he added, peering between his legs at Steve.

“You have any more of those little stink bombs waiting?” Steve asked, laughing a little.

“Don’t think so, but no promises,” Bucky replied.

“Well then, nope, sorry. I am softer than brie. Which, by the way, does not smell nearly as bad as that did,” Steve said, fully laughing now.

“I’m looking _right_ at your dick, Steve. You’re still hard. Come on back, baby, I’ll be _real_ good to you,” Bucky cajoled.

“Sorry,” Steve chuckled, lazily stroking his dick. “You scared him. That fart burned off all my pubes; he’s afraid he’s gonna be next.”

Bucky snorted and stood back up to take a seat on the edge of the bed. “I would never hurt him, he knows that.”

“Does he?” Steve said, stepping back closer to Bucky and placing a hand on his shoulder. He stroked Bucky’s shoulder and upper arm, adding “I think you need to reassure him, maybe whisper sweet nothings at him, kiss it all better.”

“Ok, but only if you put a condom on. That wasn’t the edible lube I used, and I just farted on your dick, I’m not putting it in my mouth as it stands right now,” Bucky said firmly.

“I can do that,” Steve grinned and walked over to his nightstand to dig out a condom. He got the condom on and turned back to find Bucky already kneeling, hair pulled back.

Bucky fluttered his eyelashes at Steve. Steve gave him a goofy, besotted smile. He reached out to cup Bucky’s jaw, thumb stroking his cheek. Bucky let him guide him forward, slowly taking his dick into his mouth. Bucky raised his hands to Steve’s ass, squeezing gently, and Steve dropped his hands to his side to let Bucky lead.

Bucky got right to work, alternating between taking Steve deep and focusing his attention on the head, sucking and bobbing shallowly. His fingers kneaded Steve’s ass gently. Steve gave a high-pitched whimper and came. Bucky carefully removed the condom while Steve was catching his breath and tossed it towards the trash can (he could check later if it actually made it in. Right now, he had other things to attend to).

Bucky rose to his feet and slipped his arms around Steve’s waist, pulling the two of them together, chest to chest. He gave Steve a quick kiss on the lips, smiled, and began to rub his dick against Steve’s hip.

“Mm, how about you let me take care of that?” Steve murmured, slipping a hand between them and wrapping it around Bucky’s dick. He nosed languidly against Bucky’s neck, kissing softly as he slowly jerked him off. 

Bucky gave a theatrical moan. His knees wobbled a bit, and Steve’s free arm came up to support him. He slumped forward, leaning against Steve. “’m sorry I farted on you,” he laugh-mumbled.

“It’s ok. Just, try not to make a habit of it, alright?” Steve said, rubbing Bucky’s back.

“No promises,” Bucky giggled and farted again.

Steve grimaced, laughed, and pushed Bucky away. “Ok, go put some underwear back on or something. Add a barrier between that and my nose, please. Then we can go catch up on our shows. You didn’t watch them without me, did you?” Steve asked, squinting theatrically.

“Don’t worry, I waited. I’m not completely uncivilized,” Bucky replied, digging his clothes back out of the pile and tossing Steve’s to him.

“No, just your digestive tract,” Steve teased.

“Just my digestive tract,” Bucky laughed back. “Come on, Netflix is waiting.”


End file.
